What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

You, whom I have always loved and never found, you whom I expected to see at the end of the rails beyond the horizon—

If you go long enough without a bath, even the fleas will leave you alone.

When you're young, you haven't the experience, when you're old you haven't the strength.

Running water never grows stale.

Economically, unfair trade will benefit nobody in the long run, as poorer countries will be bled totally dry and will become unable to produce anything.

I've never seen a moon in the sky that, if it didn't take my breath away, at least misplaced it for a moment.

Taking back our light from those we’ve projected it onto opens the door to an unimaginable future.

It is just a wonderful, wonderful time to be alive and to be able to be part of the ever-growing spiritual awareness that is happening around the world.

Days of trouble must be days of prayer.

Everybody is doing the same old thing.