What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns?

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Real women have children, wise women choose for themselves.

The important things are not worth knowing because they are useful. They are worth knowing because they are true.

Nothing exists without music, for the universe itself is said to have been framed by a kind of harmony of sounds, and the heaven itself revolves under the tone of that harmony.

Attention to the human body brings healing and regeneration. Through awareness of the body we remember who we really are.

It's much more interesting to try and understand what binds two people together. Why we stay with each other is much more of a mystery than why we don't.

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics.

I'm going to college. I don't care if it ruins my career. I'd rather be smart than a movie star.

I think it does surprise me a bit when people have a very fixed idea of what I'm like, based upon the work that I do, which is something that is very separate.

Late, I learned that when reason died, then Wisdom was born; before that liberation, I had only knowledge.