What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

without presence of love -heart is virgin within vast eternity

Real faith never disappoints because it is in God, grounded on His character, promises, covenant and oath.

Every short statement about economics is misleading (with the possible exception of my present one).

PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

I play saxophone, I play tenor sax.

The satisfaction that accompanies good acts is itself not the motivation of the act; satisfaction is not the motive, but only the consequence.

If the constitution goes, I go.

Let's face it: Russell Crowe is fat and no one ever talks about it.

I believe I am entitled like any other person to have the presumption of innocence.

If I do not know that I do not know, I think I know. If I do not know that I know, I think I do not know.