What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

In this current generation, the church is not prospering in its mandate to extend kingdom principles throughout culture

Everyone should follow his predetermined path.

Be IN it. Get drunk in the moment.

PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

Historically, the best way to convert liberals is to have them move out of their parents' home, get a job, and start paying taxes.

I believe that everything in life happens for a reason.

Have a working spouse, because you won't earn a living from writing - not at first, if ever. My wife worked for years to support us.

I have fears, but I do not fear anything or anybody on the court.

I'm very obsessed with 'The Real Housewives' franchise. It's a bad obsession.

Remember, what you say comes back to you.