What we know about Osama Bin Laden is this: he's worth $300 million, he has five wives and twenty-six kids -- and he hates Americans for their "excessive" lifestyle.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

What you gain here, you lose on the other side.

There is more experience on the field of justification than on the camp of training. Sometimes, you got to take actions to learn more.

The rig work can be rewarding to pull off, a really good rig in a set of wires where you're throwing yourself up walls and doing moves mid-air. That's just fun.

He would lie in the bed and finally, with daylight, he would go to sleep. After all, he said to himself, it is probably only insomnia. Many must have it.

Having your fiscal house in order and having a more manageable macro-economic future is going to be very useful in creating growth.

I am the excuse to explore your identity. To be exactly who you are and to feel unafraid. To not judge yourself, to not hate yourself.

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

He cared for languages dead long enough that they wouldn’t change on him.

You're a beautiful drunk, daughter. But you're a drunk.

If you don't have the money management skills yet, using a debit card will ensure you don't overspend and rack up debt on a credit card.