What you discover about people you try not to offend is that you can offend them without trying.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie.

You can spend too much time wondering which of identical twins is the more alike.

What greater blessing to give thanks for at a family gathering than the family and the gathering.

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same.

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions.

For the most part, we carnivores do not eat other carnivores. We prefer to eat our vegetarian friends.

On a windswept hill by a billowing sea, my destiny sits and waits for me.

It is not that love is blind. It is that love sees with a painter's eye, finding the essence that renders all else background.

Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal.

Disciples and devotees…what are most of them doing? Worshipping the teapot instead of drinking the tea!

For strange effects and extraordinary combinations we must go to life itself, which is always far more daring than any effort of the imagination.

Joy is a condition that is experienced, but it is more than a feeling; it is, primarily, a state of mind.

I am the last President of the United States!

When I walk through an airport and people go, 'You're not fat!' I'm like, 'Thanks. That's great. Good to know I'm not fat today! Thank you!'

There is need for a crusade of manliness and purity to counteract and nullify the savage work of those who think man is a beast. And that crusade is your work.

I don't think action for action's sake is so fun, but when it helps tell the story, I love doing a good fight scene.

Fortune favors the well-prepared.

The nearest friends can go With anyone to death, comes so far short They might as well not try to go at all.