Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Don't doubt yourself, that's what haters are for.

What did it matter if he existed for two or for twenty years? Happiness was the fact that he had existed.

Do you have a clear written purpose of your life? If not, why don't you make it now?

Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.

If we let the drama of others’ lives become our own, then we are no longer ourselves.

The hardest thing to do in this world is to have a steadfast mind & will to be who God called you to be.

If he makes himself as good as he tells others to be, then he in truth can teach others. Difficult indeed is self-control.

Every wave in an ocean has a secret to tell you

Sometimes history takes things into its own hands.

You really can't explain how you do the things you do. I can't, anyway. I love certain actors, but sometimes they say the stupidest things about technique. I don't want to say something stupid.