When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

So you're going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now?

Time is not a means to keep or prove your worth in the world, but a means to experience the richness of all that is.

It wasn't the "I love you" she heard that made her let him go. It was the "Come with me" that she didn't.

Living is a constant process of deciding what we are going to do.

Be still sad heart and cease repining Behind the clouds is the sun still shining Thy fate is the common fate of all Into each life some rain must fall Some days must be dark and dreary.

I don't know how this guy knew how much money I was making. I didn't know how much money I was making.

The reason that you dance and sing is to make the audience feel like they're dancing and singing. As long as you're having fun with it and giving it 100 percent, they're gonna feel that.

Plan and execute your first failure so that you no longer have to fear it.

When the liquor's out, why clink the cannikin?

While contemporary non-Evangelicals have virtually reduced faith to 'courageous ignorance,' Evangelicals have hardly been faithful in defending God's objective communication of truth.