When I did comedy I made fun of myself. If there was a buffoon, I played the buffoon.

In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

If you can't stand yourself, neither can anybody else!

The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

A great NOW will be a great WAS! A bad NOW will always be a bad WAS, and all you can hope for is a Great GONNA BE!

If you have no tragedy, you have no comedy. Crying and laughing are the same emotion. If you laugh too hard, you cry. And vice versa.

Jazz is a beautiful woman whose older brother is a policeman.

People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'

Be so warm that people mistake you for the sun

The world is agreed that labor is the source from which human wants are mainly supplied. There is no dispute upon this point.

Death is an equall doome To good and bad, the common In of rest.

The proper response toward what we occasionally imagine to be democracy, methinks, is to retain one's self-respect by not participating in it.

Literacy is, finally, the road to human progress and the means through which every man, woman and child can realize his or her full potential.

Water is very forgiving. Everything lifts in water

Are you okay? (Simone) No, I’m in ecstasy. I blew straight past okay the minute you touched me. (Xypher)

That could be the issue that the party - that the party faces as we get ready to potentially nominate someone who's utterly unelectable in a general election contest.

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it.

I will never forget the debt we owe to those who have fought to keep America safe.