When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

We are all cynics now, I suppose, and even a mewling infant knows that to save a life is to make an eternal enemy.

Arrive with enthusiasm to every waking moment of your life.

Being blind is the worst possible thing and asking me to read and write no more is torture.

When you are in unrelenting, excruciating and debilitating pain that never goes away for years on end, your life is over.

Chastity seems to have come as a late development. What the primitive maiden dreaded was not the loss of her virginity but a reputation for sterility.

As a bee gathering nectar does not harm or disturb the color & fragrance of the flower; so do the wise move through the world.

The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

A democrat should not rely upon the force of the arms his state could flaunt in the face of the world, but on the moral force his state could put at the disposal of the world.

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

To get useful new ideas, we must go beyond our immediate circle and make contact with distant parts of the social system.