When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

UNSOPHISTICATEDI sing my merry songat first blush of daythis external peacetendered by the soft shadeof tidy clouds idly crossing places, a fresh note returns to mind:I am unsophisticated at heart.

your moods and colors are my climate, not the changing face of the sky

Songs remain. They last...A song can last long after the events and the people in it are dust and dreams and gone. That's the power of songs.

An English homegrey twilight poured On dewy pasture, dewy trees, Softer than sleepall things in order stored, A haunt of ancient Peace.

Mutual aid is as much a law of animal life as mutual struggle.

Natural objects, for example, must be experienced before any theorizing about them can occur.

The world is unkind to the shoeless and frolicsome.

Keep growing. Stay awake. Beware of gurus. Keep a low overhead.

I think I want to move forward. I want to move to Brooklyn and find a business Italian guy to take care of me.

Don't get too comfortable. It's not over until I say it is. -A