When I get old, I'm going to the old folks' home. I don't want to be one of those guys who's hanging around the house bothering the kids. But not just any old folks' home. I want the whole top floor.

The Big Cactus... because if you come too close, you're gonna get stuck.

I knew I was dog meat. Luckily, I'm the high-priced dog meat that everybody wants. I'm the good-quality dog meat. I'm the Alpo of the NBA.

They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn't always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning.

The stats win nothing. I'm still sexy. I'm still great.

You know, I'm very photogenic.

No one calls me out, I'm from LSU.

I put a lot into it, and when I am done playing, I plan on going undercover and then being the sheriff or chief of police somewhere, either Miami or Orlando, I don't know yet.

I'm not going to try to go out there and outdo him. I don't have to try to outdo him, I'm Shaq.

This summer is going to be a different summer for a lot of people. Everyone is going to take care of their own business and everyone is going to do what's best for them, including me.

I'm going back to the old Shaq. I was normal last year - I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots.

He looked so profoundly disappointed in me that I wondered for a moment if he was someone I knew.

Give Obama a script he has made his own, and he is the motivational speaker to end all speakers. Tony Robbins cloned with Honest Abe.

I'm an emotional player ... I like to leave it out there.

International broadcasters are often dependent on an American home broadcasting network, so it changes the game entirely.

When I was 12, all I wanted was to be good at school, and to do something admirable, something you can't take away from me because I'm not popular or beautiful enough.

[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?

I try to stay two drinks ahead of reality and three behind a drunk

I had to do something," she said. "I couldn't just sit and wait for life to happen to me any longer.

If you can no longer think about the future, and you once dreamed of everlasting love, don't give up the dream, find it again.

The existence of inherent limits of experience in no way settles the question about the subordination of facts of the human world to our knowledge of matter.