When I go to a party, nobody says hello. But when I leave, everybody says goodbye.

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago.

If you build a better mousetrap, you will catch better mice.

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today -- for tomorrow's gonna be bad enough as it is.

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

I have never been drunk but I've often been overserved.

I've never been drunk but often I've been overserved.

God's justice will always be found at the end of a pen.

I am not warm. That is why my sister chose the name Winter for me.

He told me once that he didn't fear conscription as much as everyone else because the dozen bloodthirsty girls he was leaving behind were far more dangerous.

Women are not stupid, but they were not clever enough to realise that feminism did not bring freedom, but the opposite. That's why I'm glad feminism is dead.

God reveals herself through our relationships not only to other people but also to other creatures and nature.

I think we think in terms of stories.

Be who you are and don't allow anyone to affect the confidence you have in your individuality.

Every time Mexico really intelligently sends people over, we charge Mexico $100,000 for every person they send over.

Here's a six-foot-ten guy in sneakers and the lady's asking me, 'Profession?'

A boundless continent, Dark, waste, and wild, under the frown of night Starless expos'd.