When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning out awful product .

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

God wants us along for the victory, but it is His fight.

I come from a line of great Sicilian women, and their mentality is to endure and push through to the other side.

The arts celebrate multiple perspectives. One of their large lessons is that there are many ways to see and interpret the world.

I'm less desperate now to express what's inside me, that's true - I act these days because it keeps me awake and interested, an eternal student.

Much is said about the burdens and responsibilities of married men. Responsibilities indeed there are, if they but felt them: but as to burdens what are they?

A man descending is propelled by inertia; the only initiative left him is whether or not he decides to enjoy the passing scene.

Violence is used to portray what happens in a film. It only helps portray the actors and what they do. I think it is more about the story, when you have something to play off of.

If you have wit, use it to please and not to hurt: you may shine like the sun in the temperate zones without scorching.

Since most corporate competitors have the same problems with sustainability and social reputation, it's worth trying to solve them together.

Touring has been a new part of my life in a lot of ways. We've just been touring massively since the record came out and before. Learning how to write while all that is going on is a new thing.