When I look back on my marriages, or the breakups, sure I know the pain I went through, but that's part of life and it has its own value.

All I wanted was just what everybody else wants, you know, to be loved.

I think all women have a certain elegance about them which is destroyed when they take off their clothes.

Every man I knew went to bed with Gilda... and woke up with me.

Basically, I am a good, gentle person, but I am attracted to mean personalities.

After all, a girl is... well, a girl. It's nice to be told you're successful at it.

We are all tied to our destiny and there is no way we can liberate ourselves.

Old age - that's when a woman takes vitamins A through G, and still looks like H.

What surprises me in life are not the marriages that fail, but the marriages that succeed.

I always thought that if I ever got good reviews I'd be happy. It's so empty. It's never what I wanted, ever. All I wanted was just what everybody else wants - to be loved.

I can't take his genius any more.

We are graced with a godlike ability to transcend time and space in our minds but are chained to death.

Forsake it in the morning. Do not ring it the next day.Make no commitment to comfort.

You love me?''Baby, you were made for me.

Traditionalists will have to master techniques of sustained activism formerly monopolized by the left.

It's easier to just be single and not have a relationship.

You need to know what doesn't work to know what works. It's especially true in improv and stand-up.

We all would like to think that we would never, in a million years, have a glass of wine and get behind the wheel of a car, but it could happen, and then you could run a red light.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The basic philosophy of stoicism is that you have nothing real external to your own consciousness, that the only thing real is in fact your consciousness.

Sometimes you sense how faithfully your life is delivered, even though you can't read the address.