When I look back to when I had my first son, I was unhappy. I couldn't understand why the weight wasn't just falling off.

Once you're able to look like an idiot and be OK with it, it opens up your potential.

If you want to be an actor, you need to learn how to act first, even in sketch comedy.

Part of me wanted something bloody and really fun.

I'm friends with Hank Azaria. We were on a show together 800 years ago, and we laugh every single time.

It's a lot easier, I think, to be an actor in a movie than to spin a joke on a sitcom.

There just are not a lot of overweight people in Hollywood.

My mother, she's like, She can work on herself.

I thought that somehow your life would be much different when you're famous... and it's not. You just buy more stuff.

When you are mad at yourself, you are mad at everybody.

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life paying off loans when I don't even like school to begin with.

Affection is invaluable. I will accept your heart as payment and change your mind.

Thankfully, while our self-righteousness reaches far, God's grace reaches farther.

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'

As hideous and dumb as it sounds, I wouldn't be at all surprised by an invasion of Iraq on September II. I'll take a long shot bet on that.

The only way you can sustain a permanent change is to create a new way of thinking, acting, and being.

Avoid studies of which the result dies with the worker.

Slavery holds few men fast; the greater number hold fast their slavery.

As I was going up the stair I met a man who wan't there He wasn't there again today Oh I wish he'd go away!