When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I didn't set fire to the building.""No, but you did pull it into the river.""That put the fire out!

Try again

Flesh, blood, bone--the body is only a container for who we truly are inside.

Without leadership, command is a hollow experience, a vacuum often filled with mistrust and arrogance.

I guess there are some things you never get used to.

I probably wanted to be a shopkeeper, because I like tills.

I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know that prayer changes us, and we change things.

Doubt in my tradition is something that is very helpful. Because of doubt, you can thirst more and you will get a higher kind of proof.

The notion that journalism can regularly produce a product that violates the fundamental interests of media owners and advertisers ... is absurd.

If they're willing to stand at polls for countless hours in the rain, as many did, then I should surely stand up for them here in the halls of Congress.