When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.

He didn't look like a soldier at all. He looked like a filthy flamingo.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Perhaps I am the turtle, able to live simply anywhere, even underwater for short periods, with my home on my back.

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

I am so tired of talented lazy people.

You can never win resentment with an argument—only love can do that.

A man never grows out of wanting and desiring money that follows him through life.

A girl's gotta get her glam on when the world turns its back on her.

If you're going to make a desperate, hopeless act of defiance you should make it a good one.

Don't trust a guy who accuses you of infidelity. He's cheating. He's projecting. If you're living that kind of life, you think everybody else is too.

When I started in my career, my sister was very sick so I play for her because we didn't have money.

As an actor, your life experience is just as important as studying.

When there's no information and the compass turns to nowhere that you know well, let your soul be your pilot.