When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Every hidden cell is throbbing with music and life, every fiber thrilling like harp strings.

There is nothing so cunning as tangled deception. If you wish to seek out the truth, first uncover the lies that surround the illusion...

Never hesitate to steal a good idea.

You see few people here in America who really care very much about living a Christian life in a democratic world.

I don't think writers are any smarter than other people. I think they may be more compelling in their stupidity, or in their confusion.

What a man wants to do he generally can do, if he wants to badly enough.

It is a true saying that 'one falsehood easily leads to another.'

I used to have lots of tigers. I had all sorts of exotic pets when I had some money. Before I was broke, I had everything. Pigeons and vultures, lions, tigers, and bears. I had it all.

Freedom cannot exist alone.

The real spiritual power is enabling beings to realize the nature of the mind. That's the power of Buddha activity.