When I'm supposed to be writing I clean my apartment, take my clothes to the laundry, get organized, make lists, do the dishes. I would never do a dish unless I had to write.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Success is steady progress toward one's personal goals.

Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one.

We can never, even by the strictest examination, get completely behind the secret springs of action.

What men prize most is a privilege, even if it be that of chief mourner at a funeral.

You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!

The moral perfections of the Deity, the more attentively, we consider, the more perfectly still shall we know them.

Reality doesn't interest me.

People teach what they most need to learn.

Outside of these doors, it is the real world. Someone tries to get you to do something wrong, run.

Only a few know, how much one must know to know how little one knows.