When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Don't judge those, who are doing something bad, judge these, who told them do do that.

You know you're down and out when Okies laugh at you, ' she said. With our garbage bag taped window, our tied down hood, and art supplies strapped to the roof, we'd out-Okied the Okies.

New York has an electronic heart.

Taste, like identity, has value only when there are differences.

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

Earl Scruggs is the guy who really made that leap with using three fingers in a rotating fashion to create this fast rippling sound that had never been heard before.

If you wait for opportunities to occur, you will be one of the crowd.

Ecstasy should not be viewed as an unusual experience, but rather a natural experience - feeling all of the living matrix of existence around us.

Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them.

The land was ours before we were the land's. She was our land more than a hundred years Before we were her people.