When I read 'Be real, don't get caught acting,' I thought, 'How the hell do you do that?'.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.

By your eighteenth birthday you're supposed to know. They're supposed to tell you. Splicer. True Born. Laster.

James Clerk Maxwell's [work is the] most profound and the most fruitful.

Nothing erodes [a mother's love]. It is not sand on a beach. It is the nuclear heart of things-hard as the rock of this earth.

There is nothing better than being in a classroom with really, really brilliant students, and opening up new worlds to them. That's what I love doing.

I like some of the young guys like Senator Thune. He's a guy that looks good. He's very articulate, he's very smart, and he truly is a public servant.

Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination: never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

A man is more than his failings.

People only change when it becomes too dangerous to stay the way they are.

Look forward to going back Home. But make sure you're furnishing it.