When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

Maybe I'm corny, but I'm a big believer in second chances.

Assassination is an art, milord, and I am the city’s most accomplished artist - Durzo Blint

I would rather aim high and miss the mark than low and make it.

I loved him, more than anything else in the world and that when he was away it was hard to breath and that I couldn't go through a single second without thinking about him.

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

Faith consists in being vitally concerned with that ultimate reality to which I give the symbolical name of God. Whoever reflects earnestly on the meaning of life is on the verge of an act of faith.

Everyone hasn't got the power to free oneself and go away to another place or country... No one is capable of freeing oneself from society.

I feel, as a person, very uninteresting.

It's such a trip how your body grows and changes, and at the end of the day, you have to wear what you are comfortable in and what you feel good in.

It's very important to vote. People died for this right.

Be open to other people's opinions, ideas, and try new things. One of the best ways to learn is to feed off other people's experiences.