When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

Make Hard Work Your Best Friend. Hard Work becomes Smart Work

Holden went to his bungalow and began to understand that he was not alone in the world, and also that he was afraid for the sake of another, -- which is the most soul-satisfying fear known to man.

I knew that I was smart enough to learn. I knew that I could learn, if I could just go to school and not hear gunshots.

I wrote a song at age five about algae on the pond by our house, then the next 'real' song was in fifth grade about an unrequited crush.

I'm completely uninhabited.

When Amos Moses was a boy his daddy would use him for alligator bait, tie a rope around his neck and throw him in the swamp.

All my best friends are women except for one or two. I feel women are superior to men, and I love having them around. All that female energy is good for me.

[He] fell right into the oldest conviction in the world-- that the girl you are in love with can't possibly be anything but true and honest.

Sometimes making people laugh or even making them scared can be accomplished by a good opening sequence.

Liberty is, to the lowest rank of every nation, little more than the choice of working or starving.