When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Two conflicting forces cannot exist in one human heart. When doubt reigns, faith cannot abide. Where hatred rules, love is crowded out. Where selfishness rules, there love cannot dwell.

The more instances we examine, and the more care we employ, the more assurance shall we acquire, that the enumeration, which we form from the whole, is complete and entire.

When I go biking, I am mentally far far away from civilization. The world is breaking someone else's heart.

All you have to do is hold your goal before you and everything else will take care of itself.

I like it that we all get to choose differently.

Christians are a polyphonic people.

Once you finish paying for college you could reduce your life insurance.

I might have a guitar or a piano on set to play something for the actors.

Sell is tough. It's the worst, it's the most difficult thing of all.

Kill all the men you have slept with. Put the bones in a box and send it into the sea with flowers.