When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

All photos speak a thousand words. This one contained a library.

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.

Be a voice not an echo.

You can't just do one of the things, because it won't be enough to combat the climate change that we're already starting to experience. It will only get worse.

If you desire ease, forsake learning. If you desire learning, forsake ease.

The business of writing is empathising with situations that aren't your own.

Social media does not change your culture, it reveals it.

I not only saw the possibility of nuclear war, I feared it very much. If they started a military conflagration, it would automatically lead to nuclear warfare.

In seasons of tumult and discord bad men have most power; mental and moral excellence require peace and quietness.

Product quality has almost nothing to do with defects or their lack.