When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

If you always try to measure yourself withmoney... well, it's like counting backwards, the more youkeep on, the less you'll have to show for it.

If God came in and said, I want you to be happy for the rest of your life, what would you do?

The kids called me King of the Surf Guitar. I surfed sunup to sundown.

Take every gain without showing remorse about missed profits, because an eel may escape sooner than you think.

Suffered from alienation,carried the weight on my own,had to be so strong,so I believed,and now I know I've succeeded,in finding the place I conceived.

I find it harder and harder every day to live up to my blue china.

Production is something Ive never come to terms with.

We gotta flip the script on what a gangsta is - if you ain't a gardener, you ain't gangsta.

I think that once you lose your fear, and understand that your position is God-given, then, if you lose your fear of what man can do, it enables you to do some things that God wants you to do.

Illusions as bad as mine make people aware of the fallacies of visual information and the pleasure to be derived from such fallacies.