When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I've never been poor only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is a temporary situation.

Whatever you would have your children become strive to exhibit in your own lives and conversation.

Music. I live it and breathe it. It wakes me up in the morning, puts me to sleep at night and is with me all day.

Whom God wishes to destroy, He first makes successful in show business.

Without a band, I'm much more free to improvise.

Life is 5% what happens, and 95% how you react.

In order to represent life on the stage, we must rub elbows with life, live ourselves

I try to keep in shape and I always have to check myself. Whenever I binge eat, sweets are the one temptation.

If you have a success, the terror is how on earth can you follow it up.

If you respect your body enough to put modest clothes on, then more people will respect you as a person.