When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

We can learn to act and think in ways that sow seeds of our future well-being, gradually becoming more aware of what causes happiness as well as what causes distress.

But it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you’re fighting for

Enthusiasm is the divine particle in our composition: with it we are great generous and true without it we are little false and mean.

I used to be another little fellow with some hoop dreams / Now I got the game laced up, shoe strings.

diseases, as all experience shows, are adjectives, not noun substantives.

Goor or evil, right or wrong, he mattered to me.

After all, in today's music scene every band seems to steal from other bands.

I don't want to write my life. I live my life. I want to make up a new world.

Never but the one matter. The dead and gone. The dying and going. From the word go.

I have learnt to be a congratulator and not a hater!