When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Since the decline of record companies and music sales, I've always played live.

I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case.

I never learned to cook; I was a little spoiled as far as that's concerned.

Don't forget that I cannot see myself, that my role is limited to being the one who looks in the mirror.

Pray often, for prayer is a shield to the soul, a sacrifice to God, and a scourge for Satan.

The world chooses to think what the world thinks.

I promise. I promise, you have my heart, and you have me. You will always have me.

Be humble, be big in mind and soul, be kindly; you will like yourself that way and so will other people

No-one wants to feel like they're constantly auditioning for a place in your life.

How much does great prosperity overspread the mind with darkness.