When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

Someday is now.

When you start a fire, be to windward of it. Do not attack from the leeward.

There comes a point when you have to realize that the sum of all your blood, sweat, and tears will ultimately amount to zero.

To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds.

Do what you do as well as you possibly can. That's Buddhist morality.

I'm all for in my production, creating really unique textures and sounds - for me that's what I love about music.

New York Times v. Sullivan was about the suppression of speech in the South [during the 1960s]. Today's version of suppression is just another verse of the same song.

Good luck is often with the man who doesn't include it in his plans. The harder I work, the luckier I get.

I have not often seen much dignity in the process by which we die.

All things began in Order, so shall they end, and so shall they begin again, according to the Ordainer of Order, and the mystical mathematicks of the City of Heaven.