When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Truth is always unfolding. It's not an absolute.

Strange is our situation here upon earth.

In the past I've made movies that were pretty universally liked. You can't really hate them. You can discard them, but you can't really hate them.

I've raised Michael. I changed his diapers when he was little.

God permits what He hates in order to accomplish something that He loves.

This Christmas may we be consistent in living the Gospel, welcoming Jesus into the centre of our lives.

I think all writers are different. I've been with a few writers; they're all different.

I loved New York, but I never quite felt like New York was my home either.

Words are for those with promises to keep.

Victory is the beautiful, bright-colored flower. Transport is the stem without which it could never have blossomed.