When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

I have always tried to make room for anything that wanted to come to me from within.

Whenever the work is itself light, it becomes necessary, in order to economize time, to increase the velocity.

I'm not a person who particularly had heros when growing up.

Reincarnation is a process of moving from one state of mind to another. Whether you are in a body or out of a body is immaterial.

I learned that monthly payments are the cornerstone of everything in the automobile business.

Always hear the 'Yes' in the 'No'.

Today, as never before, the fates of men are so intimately linked to one another that a disaster for one is a disaster for everybody.

learning is never wrong. Even learning how to kill isn't wrong. Or right. It's just a thing to learn, a thing I can teach you. That's all.

I still prefer horses to human beings.