When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

When you break the promises, you loose the credibility. When you loose the credibility, you loose the trust. So, keep your promises, because trust is the foundation of soulfully inspired life.

Do what you have to do when you have to do it, so that you can do what you want to do when you want to do it.

Don't stay in this now. You'll fall behind.

If our music survives, which I have no doubt it will, then it will because it is good.

There is one thing no people have ever done; that is, to oppose a threatening war with intelligent and vigorous purpose some years before it was due to arrive.

There's going to be ups and downs and that you have to be okay with the downs too and embrace them just as much because they will teach you something.

Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems.

I'm a little concerned about this notion everybody wants us to be objective.

There is a difference between a job and the promise of jobs, there is a difference between economic development and the promise of economic development.

We are storytelling animals, and cannot bear to acknowledge the ordinariness of our daily lives.