When I was a teenager, you couldn't get straight pants. Then in '76, when punk started to hit, it was a revelation that you could find straight pants again.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

Marrying means to halve one's rights and double one's duties

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

At the beginning love is a fact, at the end it's a theory

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

Christ came to bring healing to those who are spiritually sick-you say that you are perfectly well, so you must go your own way and Christ will go in another direction-towar ds sinners.

Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies.

The future holds little hope for any government where the present holds no hope for the people.

I'm encouraging other people, whether they're professionals or not, to use their creativity to express themselves, to get a conversation going, to get the party started, really.

I love Adele. That's a lead singer; that's the real deal.

A beggar's book outworths a noble's blood.