When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

enter the world of things as they are

When we leave this life, we only get to take two things: the love we received and the lessons we learned.

They want your sons.”“My–? But I don’t… ew!

Why is it we want so badly to memorialize ourselves? Even while we're still alive. We wish to assert our existence, like dogs peeing on fire hydrants.

Let us have faith that right makes might and in that faith let us to the end dare to do our duty as we understand it.

The whole 'studly womaniser' thing, I mean, I quite enjoy the title - it's just not very accurate.

California: Sunny nutland.

I'm 100 percent sure I'm becoming a really good helicopter pilot.

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay?

There are times in the lives of most of us, when we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over us unappreciated and unenjoyed.