When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

On the inner side of the aquarium of reality, beliefs define the area of the prison.

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

His plan in your life means his work in your hands, and you can be sure it is work he has chosen and gifted you to do.

There wasn't a lot of discipline in my life, and I hated it being imposed on me at school.

I don't believe in spending money lavishly, now that I'm making money.

Everybody said Peyton Place would be a mistake.

I do not see as well without her. I do not hear as well without her. I do not feel as well without her. I would be better off without a hand or a leg than without my sister.

Yeah, I mean, I put work out there for people to use and I'm grateful when you use it.

I too have my own demons, and I have struggled. I've made my own mistakes, and I'm not proud of them.

The eyes of our souls only then begin to see when our bodily eyes are closing.