When I was interviewing Beth as a potential flatmate, I asked her about her hobbies. She said she enjoyed cooking for others. I asked her when she could move in.

Not that I'm the kind of person who would actually inflict emotional pain on another human being out of a selfish, twisted need for revenge.I just like to think about it.

The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

For thirty minutes I sat back and felt the glimmer of pride that historically precedes the most catastrophic falls.

When Fortune smiles, I smile to think how quickly she will frown.

I've had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.

I think I wasted a lot of my youth, falling for girls who were a couple of years older than me.

People ask me, "What would you be doing without baseball?" I don't know... super-sizing fries?

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.