When I was little, there were three channels.

I thought comedy would be the hardest thing I could do, and if I could do that, I could do anything.

I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things.

I can drink on the job if I want to. I can go on stage with a beer and it's OK. I can say whatever I want. It's a great job to have.

You can talk about anything if you go about it the right way, which is never malicious.

If I do the same act that I did in 1995, in essence you're saying (in a robotic voice), 'My mind has never changed'

Kids today know way more than you think they do, with the Internet and 500 TV channels.

Store up knowledge. Then question your own knowledge in order to expand your mind, both to build and to create more space. Then store up more knowledge. And so on. That is wisdom.

Generational oppression begins when what is meant to be transferred to one offspring has been taken over by reason of oppression.

It's almost as if each instant is our last and first. We are always dying, and always reborn. And that is living.

I like to go out if there's a party or go to the movies, but I just like hanging out with my buddies and having a good time.

My mom can still slap me silly and my dad still threatens to ground me.

My own mum cared about Hollywood, and I didn't. I wanted to act, and I loved the creativity of it, but I didn't care for the lifestyle.

Well, take it from an old hand: the only reason it would be easier to program in C is that you can't easily express complex problems in C, so you don't.

School is an institution built on the axiom that learning is the result of teaching. And institutional wisdom continues to accept this axiom, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

If our friends do us a service, we think they owe it to us by their title of friend. We never think that they do not owe us their friendship.

I don't pose as an authority on anything at all, I follow the opinions of the ordinary people I meet, and I take pride in the close-knit teamwork with my organization.