When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I was seduced by the idea that even in the dark, we are still as complex and detailed as we are in the light.

Courage will now be your best defence against the storm that is at hand-—that and such hope as I bring.

Our whole life passes asking only one question to ourselves, “I did the same or more hard work than the one standing on top of my field. Why wasn’t I chosen for it?

Experience tells me habits are stronger than love, fear, and necessity.

Public opinion in this country is everything.

I do not think we should tax people to a point where they are looking for tax loopholes and getting their money out of the country.

Ginny's Little Longhorn is my favorite place to play and hang because it's close to old school beer joint music venue as you'll ever find. The Continental Club is also in the top as well.

Racial discrimination, South Africa's economic power, its oppression and exploitation of all the black peoples, are part and parcel of the same thing.

I am much more optimistic about consumer-driven change than I am governmental change. Anything can happen in government, but I do think we consumers can drive true change.

I'm spoiled in the sense that now I get what I want but it's because I work for it.