When I watch like The Office I'm fascinated because most of America works in an environment where they see the same eight people every day.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

No two person, ever read the same book.

our two postcard hearts were frightened in unison under the tenacious look of the unfathomable old man who kept on eating one banana after another

Confusion is a luxury which only the very, very young can possibly afford and you are not that young anymore

That was probably the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me." "What? Almost falling in a ditch?""No, being carried by a girl.

I'm a good girl because I really believe in love, integrity, and respect. I'm a bad girl because I like to tease.

Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don't fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated every day.

The wages of pedantry is pain.

If one is not productive in other spheres, one is not productive in the love either.

To all people of good will who are working for social justice: never tire of working for a more just world, marked by greater solidarity!

I'm a real relationship person - contrary to public perception. I'm either in one or I'm not.