When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!

It is much easier to evaluate perfect rather than partial results.

Be memorable. Be outstanding.

In high school, it was all about popularity, being with the boyfriend and all the girls thinking he's cute.

If it weren't for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song.

The essence of what I desire is simply this: to sleep away life.

I wanted to be involved with fashion, though I didn't know what being a designer meant.

In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create disticntions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.

If I had a lover who wanted to hear from me every day, I would break with him.

... women have their roots in the ground, and often those roots are starved and ravaged, yet there is not a human alive who cannot reach and touch, with... her fingers, the very top of God's rainbow.