When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Don't worry if you've been labeled as weird. Who wants to be classed as normal in an insane world?

Come! our world is done:For all the witchery of the world is fled, And lost all wanton wisdom long since won.

Astonish the world with your acts of kindness, being deliberately kind to yourself and others.

I would much prefer to enlarge your life by giving you the gift of my life, rather than gifting your life to material obesity with frivolous trinkets.

The only thing that differentiates you and me from a couple of fourteen year old pyromaniacs is balistic glass!

The president of General Motors was in a foul humor.

In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yes, it is women who keep the church going.

We must know the measure of a man's desires before we can sound the depth of his regrets.

Zen says: be empty. Look without any idea. Look into the nature of things but with no idea, with no prejudice, with no presupposition.

It's a pretty heavy thing that happens to me when I'm at competitions. I get so sucked in, I can't really turn it off.