When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you can make banana bread out of it. I have never seen anyone actually do it.

The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters.

Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

Iowa's the worst. Iowa's just nothing, just flat as far as you can see. It's the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.

Don't be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober... I'm dead inside.

Science, like art, religion, commerce, warfare, and even sleep, is based on presuppositions.

The Legacy of Behaviorism: Do this and you'll get that.

What kind of a society are we going to have if it consists of highly paid people doing high-value-added work - and masses of unemployed?

I'm going to ask what is correct, what I deserve, especially in relation to male actors.

ACLU has become eccentric and destructive.

True Christianity is a life of sacrifice. It requires that in everything we live for the Lord and others, not ourselves.

We give people fish. We teach them to fish. We tear down the walls that have been built up around the fish pond. And we figure out who polluted it.

I like some shooters, and I respect games like Doom, but I don't think it's right for me

I think everybody gets lonely sometimes. I don't know if people can ever understand how you can be in a room full of people and be lonely sometimes.

Talent is the capacity of doing anything that depends on application and industry and it is a voluntary power, while genius is involuntary.