When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.

Our cat is kind dove shellfish, and thinks the world is hers, She finds a comfy spot and then we pet turtle sheep purrs.

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.

Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about).

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.

In writing I found something I could do at least as well as my peers, if not better.

I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.

All words are pegs to hang ideas on.

If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer?

The truth of the matter is, the soul is a monstrous beast. The heart a most unwieldy and a fair weather friend. Why else woud ribs be cages

Life is a gift. Accept the sacred existence

The artistic disposition is little more than an extreme form of sulking.

If people around you aren't going anywhere, if their dreams are no bigger than hanging out on the corner, or if they're dragging you down, get rid of them.

There is nothing so absurd or ridiculous that has not at some time been said by some philosopher.

Cinema is gambling. It is better to gamble on a unique film even if it seems like suicide.

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.