When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

This is my child, he said. I wash a dead man's brains out of his hair. That is my job.

If we danced and shared music, we'd be too busy en-joy-in' life to start a war.

I keep coming back to you in my head, but you couldn't know that, and I have no carbons

A fugitive on the run with a plan for the future is the definition of hubris.

I try not to be hateful.

Robert Whitmore died of apoplexy when a stranger from Georgia mistook him for a former Macon waiter.

I've been on a tweeting mission.

Scared isn't a good excuse. Scared is the excuse everyone has always used.

We determine our Destination by our priorities.

There is no condition for forgiveness.