When anyone lacks self-awareness and doesn't recognize their transparencies, it's always funny.

I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

A wacky, trendy outfit on a guy over 40 indicates he's got big issues.

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious.

A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.

It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!.

You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.

My goal was always getting my work out in the world, and in many ways, I feel like the luckiest person alive.

The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.

[Hobbits] love peace and quiet and a good tilled earth.

The dirty little secret of journalism is that it really isn't a profession, it's a craft. All you need is a telephone and a conscience and you're all set.

You're 83? Really? You don't look it. I would've guessed 81 or 82.

You try to take it game-to-game and keep working.

Those with visible responsibility for leadership are nearly always too visible to take responsibility for change.

The Fuhrer is always right. Every last citizen must say this.

I was so scared about being discovered, but nobody came. Nobody heard. In my own ears, though, my sobs sounded primal and scary, like something I would have turned off if I'd been able to.

We bore ourselves in order to earn money that we'll later spend on trying to de-bore ourselves

Sometimes one must travel far to discover what is near.

As you from crimes would pardon'd be, Let your indulgence set me free.