When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

As long as we persevere, we shall succeed in any endeavour.

The tragedy of this age is that many are hungry for the wrong reasons

A happy birthday is measured not in the amount of gifts one gets, but in the amount one is loved.

Since my teen years I was interested in martial arts.

We need winds and tempests to exercise our faith, to tear off the rotten bough of self-dependence, and to root us more firmly in Christ. The day of evil reveals to us the value of our glorious hope.

It's not my fault if reality is Marxist

It's impossible for one person to think of everything.

He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.

It is my first morning of high school. I have seven new notebooks, a skirt I hate, and a stomachache.

Great wars can only be fought by great powers.