When comedians get successful, the fans that they have aren't the fans they would hang out with. I don't have that problem.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

We need each other yet, we bleed each other of the very life we are all drowning in with one another...

I'm happy that I have a beautiful, wonderful, amazing child who's made me a better person.

Ideas in the head set hands about their several tasks.

What one hides is worth neither more nor less than what one finds. And what one hides from oneself is worth neither more nor less than what one allows others to find.

A wise man in his house should find a wife gentle and courteous, or no wife at all.

The beauty of things must be that they end.

There ought to be so many who are excellent, there are so few.

Non-co-operation in itself is unnatural, vicious and sinful.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Be sure, either that thou art stronger than thine enemy, or that thou hast a swifter pair of heels.