When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

You are happy when you are enthusiastic and action-oriented, not when you are luxury and pleasure oriented.

Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. If you work hard on your job you can make a living, but if you work hard on yourself you'll make a fortune.

The Bible is God speaking to mankind. The more you read the Bible, the more you will hear God speaking to you.

Whenever you are confronted with an opponent conquer him with love.

Lack of ornamentation is a sign of spiritual strength.

Everyone believes in his youth that the world really began with him, and that all merely exists for his sake.

After the age of 50 we begin to die little by little in the deaths of others.

It's sad that the U.S. government doesn't fund risky research anymore.

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

Let my thoughts come to you, when I am gone, like the afterglow of sunset at the margin of starry silence.